Rants

So, first let me say this... this is my blog. I created it as a way to express my thoughts and feelings and relieve stress. You are welcome to comment, but be respectful.

I've not blogged in a long time.... so update on my life.

I was laid off in February from the job I had then (not posting the company name on here). I know I shouldn't be, but honestly, I'm still a bit bitter about it 4 months later. I was the hardest working employee in my department, and with several people having been laid off in the week or two leading up to me getting laid off, I had more work to do. I went from doing my job and picking up the slack of one lazy co-worker on Wednesdays, to doing the job of 3 others besides me (at that point I decided I was no longer going to pick up for the slack of the lazy one, if she didn't do what she was supposed to do, it wouldn't get done and it wouldn't be on me.). So the company calls me at 8am on my second of three off days, wakes me up, and tells me "hey, listen, we're letting you go. There's not enough work for you. Sorry." I wake up devastated, crying my eyes out going WTF?!?!?!?! NOT ENOUGH WORK??? YOU JERKS!!!!! I'M BUSTING MY @$$ OFF AT WORK 10 HOURS A DAY PRAYING I CAN GET EVERYTHING DONE THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE BY THE END OF THE WEEK AND YOU KNOW THIS AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME NOT ENOUGH WORK FOR ME?????

So yea. Still rather bitter about that.

In other news, the guy that was my best guy friend walked out of my life. I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but you know my situation; how I was raised - with little/no encouragement to follow my dreams, etc.; what guys have put me through; how it affects me; all that I'm going through right now... I've never been a patient person, and all of the previous mentioned things just make me shorter on patience right now.

Since November, if not before then, he gave me almost no indication that he cared. When we saw each other and when we didn't were two different things. He was all sweet and polite when we saw each other, but the rest of the time ignored me, took no interest in my life (even less than he ever had....), etc. I would tell him what I was going through. He'd offer no sympathy. He wouldn't ask me how I was doing from time to time, what was new in my life, etc.... yet wanted me to care about what was going on in his life despite never telling me what was going on in his life....

So whatever. He needs to grow up and accept the fact I'm not perfect. I know I have areas I need to work on, and I'm doing the best I can, but my life is pretty messed up right now and it's hard to keep it all together and not fall apart, lose my temper, lose control of my emotions. I've tried repeatedly to make amends, give him space, and nothing's working. He wants me to believe that if I give him space, one day he'll wake up and start caring about me and we'll be great friends again, even though he's never cared that much about me. It was a fake friendship all along, it just took til now to discover that.

Then there's my most recent ex. I gave it my best shot. 3-4 years of my best shot. Nothing's changing, the relationship was stuck, not moving forward. I'm an active person, and he's well, far from it. He, like the boyfriend before him, is more content to stay inside, sit on the couch, watch a movie, maybe play a game. I have nothing against a movie or game now and then.... great for rainy days, cold days, nights, things like that.... but I am an active person. I like to get out and go have fun. Go for walks with or without the dog, go to a park and play on the playground, swing on swings, wear myself out so I come home and sleep really well. He decided he's going to start complaining about me being active and tell me it's a bad thing and I need to meet him halfway. Ummmm what??? I have been.... 1/3 of the time we hang out, it's going to church or the store and back, and just having a chat in the car. 1/3 of the time we hang out, we stay in and watch tv, a movie, or play a board game or Wii. The other 1/3 of the time we hang out, I want to go out, enjoy the sun and planet God created, and have FUN. It's SUMMER. Why stay inside??

On top of that, he doesn't have a car or a job. Now... those things don't bother me, as I don't have a car or job either... but.... he's making no effort to look for a job. He's playing some Bubble adventure game and Farmville all day on Facebook. His brother is paying for him to have internet through the end of September, gave him copies of coding languages to learn to increase his skills and get a job. He's using the internet that his brother is paying for to play games on Facebook all day!!!! I've told him over and over to get his priorities straight, and he just complains. Meanwhile it's MY money that's being used to run him to the store and to his parents and stuff..... (oh, and he complained about me asking for gas money when he did have money....)

Also, I spent about $125 on his birthday.... $100 for a Kings Island gold pass, $20 for lunch at Steak N Shake, and $5 on a card and candy bar for him.... He complains b/c he never got the birthday dinner I promised him. I said I was going to take him to Quaker Steak and Lube for birthday dinner, but being unemployed, that ended up not working out b/c of the cost and gas to get there.... I spent $125 on him, including a yummy lunch, and he had the audacity to complain that I never did drop another $50-60 on "birthday dinner." REALLY?!?!?!?! Wow.... Meanwhile he has no money and wouldn't be able to afford to get me anything for my birthday, let alone spend $125....

So I'm single again, and gonna just take my time looking. I need someone who has his priorities straight, his life together, and can keep up with me. I'm high energy, and I need a high energy man.

So that's what's new in my life.... there's a lot more depressing stuff going on, too, but not gonna get into that... so just keep me in your prayers as I continue on this insane roller coaster called LIFE.

♥, Kat