So if you're friends with me on Facebook, you know by now my now-ex cheated on me.... not physically, but emotionally. We were together off and on for 4.5 years.... We had our share of problems, and one of my big ones was trust. He cheated emotionally with me twice early on in the relationship and I stupidly didn't end things there. I don't know why, as I've been through this before... once a cheater, always a cheater... Well I stupidly forgave him and gave him another shot... twice... but I have struggled to trust him since then. Well, since June I just hadn't felt as connected to him as usual, and I didn't know why. I just felt, betrayed, lonely, unloved... He blamed me, saying I was pulling away from him and his attempts at affection...
I'm NOT a huge PDA person. I don't mind holding hands, but beyond that, I'm just not into it... He'd always want to grab me and hold me and kiss me in the store or something or whenever I was busy. If I was trying to find something in the store, he'd make a move. If I was trying to cook, he'd make a move... then wonder why I was "pulling away".... he had terrible timing.
Well recently I was at his house waiting for him to get ready. I decided to use his computer to log on and check my Facebook, as I'm a photographer and at the time was making plans with two clients.... so I open up his internet browser, and there, right in front of my face, is a chat conversation on his Facebook between him and another girl named Sarah. Funny, he'd never mentioned a Sarah to me as one of his friends.... I start reading....
I discover they've exchanged over 11,000 messages since mid-June. That's more than I've exchanged with my super social best friend!!!!! I keep on reading.... I go back to July.... she tells him no less than a dozen times a day she misses him and wants to meet him (they've never met).... he says he misses her, too. She says it's just not fair how two people who feel so strongly about each other just can't seem to meet up (she's states away) and he said he feels the same way.... o.O
My heart sinks. I gotta know more, though...
I read more....
She's mentioned moving here locally and moving in with him.... He's not opposed to the idea!!! She wants to share a bed with him to "save space" O.O wow.... really??? He just says "heh" to that....
He's turned to her after every fight he and I have had recently, telling her how mean I was and stuff. She says I'm a controlling bitch that's only going to hurt him and he needs to forget me and move on... He says he knows he does, but doesn't want to hurt me....
I've talked to both of them. They deny any wrong-doing. Said they're just friends, they didn't mean anything by what they've said...
um.... really?? o.O I don't go around telling my guy friends I miss them, want to meet up with them, wanna move in and share a bed with them!!!! T-R-A-M-P!!!!! That's what's running through my mind!!!!
Now he is blaming me for his cheating. Said I withdrew from him, and he and she just got talking as friends and she's a good listener, he never meant for me to find out, but there's nothing going on, and I'm just being insanely jealous.
Umm... this is coming from the same guy who is super jealous over my ex boyfriend that I barely speak to. He and I USED to be really close friends, and it made him super insanely jealous. He even accused me of cheating with my ex, despite us both saying nothing was going on, we're just really good friends. I NEVER told that guy that I missed him, wanted to see him, etc. I never bad mouthed my then boyfriend to him, and expected him to tell me to ditch the loser.... That's why I have a best friend lol....
This girl apparently gives him what I don't... lots of happiness. He's said he loves her, she's said the same... yet they both deny cheating.... right b/c it's perfectly acceptable to tell a friend of the opposite sex you love and miss them when you have a SO....
He does one of two things..... either tries to justify his actions (it didn't mean anything) or blames me (well you were acting really distant, or, you hurt me every time you said you wanted to break up), and then wants to tell me he loves me. No, he doesn't. I am just so upset and stressed.
He keeps saying he wants me to forgive him... for WHAT???? For something you CHOSE to do, deliberately, without thinking about consequences? For lying to me for four years? For shattering my heart and my trust?? While you continue to justify your wrong doing, and worse - blame me???
If it's my fault, why are you asking me to forgive you?? Idiot.
Dumb guys go and do crap like this yet whine about us not trusting them. WELL..... this is why!!!! We've been lied to, broken, hurt, and let down so many times, we have nothing TO trust in. We have NO PROOF that next time will be different. We hope and pray, but we struggle to actually trust and believe bc we know the routine all too well....
He wants to apologize, yet blame me... he's just sorry he got caught....
So I want to move on, but it's just not that easy. I go from being mad at him to being hurt =/
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